so it goes.

when everything goes wrong. and im still happy. we’re still happy.

hi.

sometimes its enough to not know.

life is going. it doesn’t stop. you can participate. or not. your choice. but it still goes.

i almost forgot to remember.

noting huge is going on. noting profound. nothing horrible. noting epic. just it. and its good. and sometimes its not. im going. its going.

if i make it to when im old. it will be fun. it will be fun to look back on this time. the time in college. in the little green house. with the wonderful roommate. the time that shaped who i am.
life change.
not enough sleep.
living.
too much coffee.
death.
mistakes.
good choices.
not eating right.
not having enough money to eat right.
too much coffee.
photographs.
doing what i say i will.
not doing what i say i will.
doing what i say i wont.
not knowing if anything actually matters.
but doing it all the same.
working toward it.
being in it.
quarters for coffee.
goldfish.
peanut butter.
books.
adventures.
indians.
building things.
creating.
yard work.
homework.
so much homework.
all nighters.
too much coffee.
shells.
dandelions.
finding out together.
exploring.
finding out what i really think.
thinking too much.
being sick.
music.
the weepies.
nothing going how it was “supposed to”.
well you get the idea. i could go for an ever. but i wont. i guess i just got to thinking. its now. its hard. its amazing. it keeps going. so i choose to take it rather than leave it. to be ok with it. to be ok with not knowing if its ok. And just let it be. just be.

maybe. Sometime it will be more than ok again. but now. its not. and that’s ok. and i like it.


noting profound. nothing horrible. noting epic. just it. and its good. and sometimes its not. and im going. and its going.

and im ok with it. and im ok.

rain.

the sky opens and washes away the rubbush of the day. maybe it rains tonight for those that don’t have the strength to cry anymore. the sky cries for us.

my heart aches for you.

ever notice a noise that you never noticed til this moment. but its been present for a long time.

“the phyciatrists would have a field day with you.” that’s what i was told. ha.

i remember how much i don’t know. i don’t know.

its so rough when people see and get to know the ugly parts of me. The parts i don’t even want to know or acknowledge myself.

forgiveness. what a mighty power.

i want to do something for you. what do you need. what do you want.

the war wages stronger today than it has in a while. i feel it. the great battle that is being fought on my behalf. on your behalf. the battle for our thoughts. our time. our energy. our possession. our love. our joy. our devotion. our purity. our health. our courage. our very lives. protection is here. i need to start to pay more attention. it makes a difference when i do. a big difference.

"keep your courage." he said to me as he walked away. things changes that day.

don’t know when.

why is it always about me.

sick of selfishness.

you dont need a reason.

you don’t need a reason.

sometimes its hard to find a way to keep on. .keep on keeping on. little bird.

to look at yourself in a way you have never before. it can be beautiful. beautiful and horrifying. i have so much farther to go. everything is new. yet so familiar.

love. the kind that my Jesus died on a cross for me for. does human love like that exist anymore.

sorry for your loss. I wish I could say more. sometimes more is unnecessary. is it a loss. or just a continuation.

is it not true that a beautiful little dandelion is pretty all in its self. but. an awkward dandelion puff can turn a green field into a brilliant green canvas speckled with hundreds of bright yellow beauty.

the day reflects pieces of us. it always does.

the storm is coming. the storm has here. the storm has passed. or just the eye. for now? whats a little storm anyway.

i want to change the world. but instead I sleep. let that not be.

a day when nothing seems right. what do you do. you haven’t been sleeping cause your body wont relax.

you make choices because He told you to. choices. hmmm. it’s a choice. He spoke. you can still hear. you still listened.

there are no right angles in my life.

-When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot Your love drives me to say
It is well it is well with my soul.
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well it is well with my soul-



it is well.

A.B.C

What would I give to behold,
the smile, the face of love.
You never left me, the rising sun will always speak your name.

It won't be long, we'll meet again
Your memory is never passing
It won't be long, we'll meet again
My love for you is everlasting.

I mourn for those who never knew you
I mourn for those who never knew you -Killswitch Engage


she loved this song.

as far as the east is from the west.

And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They've refused for so long to deal with God that they've lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can't think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion.

But that's no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ's body we're all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.

Did you use to make ends meet by stealing? Well, no more! Get an honest job so that you can help others who can't work.

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

Don't grieve God. Don't break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted.

Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, and profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.



it would be cool to insist something. and have God back you up on it. I guess if we insist the right things He does.



there is no “but what about me?” anymore. sometimes I forget that. and go on a four day rant. sorry. and then I remember. good stuff.

Also. I have dreams about what im going to blog about alot. then I blog.

stay together, both outwardly and inwardly (he is speaking to more than one person.)

God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love

feeling.

doing better today. not in a whole lot of pain. thats good. just really sore and uncomfortable. i took the bandage off this morning. i almost passed out. its pretty big. the cut i mean. But I don’t think the scar will be super noticeable. after it heals.

I think not facebooking will bring on more blogging. does blogging have two gs or one?

so here is this kid. i only hang out with him all of four or five times a year. he called to see how it went. i was sleeping so he left a message. “just called to hear all about it. im sure you are sick of talking about. but its good to talk about it.”

you didn’t even call.

i wish i was sick of talking about it.

but everyone dances around actually talking about it. what about the details.

i guess im more interested than you. makes sense. why would you care. im not saying that sarcastically.

anyway. it was nice.

im leaving the house tonight. i cant wait. the brother in law just texted and said he is picking me up when he gets out of work. sweet as.