just this. not much else.

sleeping to dream about you.
good song. nice thought. just came on my weepies station. but. its not the weepies. its jason mraz. i wonder when i will be done with the weepies. i have not gotten sick of them yet. i have been on this weepies kick for a grand long time. neat.

so much thinking.

in the car on my drive “home” from work. i was thinking. about. relationships. relationships of the romantic type. yeah? really? a single girl thinking about that. go figure. so many of them happening around me. that happens. and it happens a lot. more than ever. weird. but not really. some that know me. more than others. would say im a little more than cynical when it

interruption. one of my favorite songs just came on the radio... i made a face as i thought to myself. what a bad cover of this song. so i minimized this page to see who it was that was killing this song... well it was the version they always play on this station. you know the one by the original artist. one my favorite songs. so weird. my ears must be off today. or something.

anyway. some would say that im a little more than cynical when it comes to relationships of said kind. something in my heart is always a little sad. when i hear news of one of my friends. news that he or she FINALLY has someone. they are finally in the relationship of their dreams (that. or they just settled for the first someone who is into them that they can be into.). “well that awful! she must be jealous.” not so much. im always happy when they are happy. but only when its happy of the real variety.
why are they happy.
because they finally found the one.
i truly hope so. cause if thats the case. im on board.
but. i never think they do in the start. it always starts with settling in my mind. and. truth be told. most of the time im right. most of the time.

cynical:
believing the worst of human nature and motives; having a sneering disbelief in e.g. selflessness of others.

ew.
im not into cynicism. unless it has to do with this. and thats not cool with me. so im trying to change the way i think about that. but like i said. most of the time im right. so its hard. but that doesnt make thinking about it that way right. we will see how it goes. i think this is one of those. taking these thoughts captive. kinda time.

praise god that i am not the judge.

how i fix this problem with me. simple. just pretend. i will never be with anyone. i never want to be with anyone. that way when i (ahem. finally.ahem) am with someone. there is no chance im settling. right!? man im a smart one.

lame as.

help us jesus.