A.B.C

What would I give to behold,
the smile, the face of love.
You never left me, the rising sun will always speak your name.

It won't be long, we'll meet again
Your memory is never passing
It won't be long, we'll meet again
My love for you is everlasting.

I mourn for those who never knew you
I mourn for those who never knew you -Killswitch Engage


she loved this song.

as far as the east is from the west.

And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They've refused for so long to deal with God that they've lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can't think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion.

But that's no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ's body we're all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.

Did you use to make ends meet by stealing? Well, no more! Get an honest job so that you can help others who can't work.

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

Don't grieve God. Don't break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted.

Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, and profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.



it would be cool to insist something. and have God back you up on it. I guess if we insist the right things He does.



there is no “but what about me?” anymore. sometimes I forget that. and go on a four day rant. sorry. and then I remember. good stuff.

Also. I have dreams about what im going to blog about alot. then I blog.

stay together, both outwardly and inwardly (he is speaking to more than one person.)

God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love

feeling.

doing better today. not in a whole lot of pain. thats good. just really sore and uncomfortable. i took the bandage off this morning. i almost passed out. its pretty big. the cut i mean. But I don’t think the scar will be super noticeable. after it heals.

I think not facebooking will bring on more blogging. does blogging have two gs or one?

so here is this kid. i only hang out with him all of four or five times a year. he called to see how it went. i was sleeping so he left a message. “just called to hear all about it. im sure you are sick of talking about. but its good to talk about it.”

you didn’t even call.

i wish i was sick of talking about it.

but everyone dances around actually talking about it. what about the details.

i guess im more interested than you. makes sense. why would you care. im not saying that sarcastically.

anyway. it was nice.

im leaving the house tonight. i cant wait. the brother in law just texted and said he is picking me up when he gets out of work. sweet as.

change.

its time.

and i just.

deactivated.

no more facebook for a while.

im really not a fan of lies. even small ones.

how do you break up with someone you are not even with.

i couldnt even tell him to buzz off when he was sleeping with random girls.

or when he is married and has a kid.

or when he is nine years older than me and still cant drive. and plays with action figures.

or when he treats me like crap and then says i complain and over analyze.

or when he had a girlfriend all along.

its not that i let them take advantage. i just dont know what to do. i dont want to make excuses. i dont want to be mean. im good at saying no not now. but. i dont know how to say no not ever. and not be mean.

i despise selfishness. unfortunately. im about as selfish as they come. gross.

also i pride myself in not being super girlie. get me alone for a few days stuck with nothing to do but think. im about as girl as they come.

pride comes before the fall.

im covered in paint. even my feet.

to want change. an to actually change are two very different things.

i want to go.

im getting antsy.

im super thankful for my family. super.

i cant stop crying.

its kind of beautiful.

prove me wrong please.

its gonna take quite the man to stick with me for good.

im alot.

im so opinionated.

and super thick headed.

i also dont want it to be about me.

but sometimes it would still be nice if you tried.

i cant wait to see it with the bandage off.

sweet scar and everything.

Abs says that he will think its hot.

if there is a he.

dont feel like sleeping.

it might be the vicodine talking.

but probably not.

i think people like blogging because you can just talk. no one stops you. and someone listens.

like this.

i can only think of one person that would put up with me going on like this without stopping me... or saying something mean. i can talk and know that somebody will read this. i will be heard. my rambles will be read. even if it is just by my big sister.

i dont necessarily even want to be understood. just heard out. and loved still.

we are not compatible. compatible. able to exist and perform in harmonious or agreeable combination. we are not harmonious or agreeable.

thats ok.

You looked right through me. there was no one else.

You are the one ive been waiting for today.

today.

confused.

im super great today. but also. super angry. at most everything. i dont know if its the good kind of anger.

i ordered a glass bead. i have been on the hunt for the right hand blown glass pendent. i think i found it. being stuck in bed with access to the internet has been interesting. my eyes are burning out of my head.

but anyway. glass bead. the cheapest i had found of the kind i wanted was $25. thats alot for one bead. i even found one for $180. then there it was. just what i wanted. for $5. yay.

if this company checks out. hello selling these things for way more than i bought them!

also. bought a new baja hoodie. its pretty grand. and cheap. ill let you know how they are when they both get here.

i have found the perfect music for today. i really like when that happens. its like magic.

and i stood up today. for about ten minutes. just a little while ago. it was great. but now i hurt. i havent taken vicodin at all today. but i think i will have to soon. then i will paint. for real. i hope. yeah i will. ill just move slow.

cookie bake off. Ebel's kitchen right now. Isaac vs Ness. who wins you ask? Joy. because i get to eat them all.

i keep having dreams. i have kids. but they are not mine.

Uganda.

lets go fly a kite.

funny how much i like my bed. til i have to lay in it.

ready to get up.

on the other hand.

life is grand.

he wont stop calling me. he is married and has a kid. and i dont answer. get the hint buddy.

too bad i cant really move. cause i would love to paint when i am super blazed. whenever you need legal drugs... its for a reason... most of the time one that prohibits you from doing other things... like panting a masterpiece. haha. thats honest.

coffee time.

i just dont feel it anymore.

"this is the last song that i write
'til you tell me otherwise
and it's because i just don't feel it" -

im just about to hit two years.

also i feel like i just cant be bothered with tomorrow. its funny when people tell you. you might die. next time i hear that. i will look that dr. in the eye and bluntly reply. yes i can tell you that i will die. not might die. i just will. and so will you. then i will smile.

you have alot of growing up to do. so do i.

today i hit the top of the biggest hill of the roller coaster. as far as speed of busy life goes. wacky.

its funny when someone just knows what you need. even if you dont know thats what you need at the time. like just the right kind of talk. or the simple question that gets skimmed over too often. thank you.

i said i would give up whatever He wants me to. no matter what. sometimes it take longer than others.

also.

i gave Him permission to just take whatever He thought i was leaning on too much. to take the things that were/are getting in the way of what i need to do. take the things that are blocking. take the things i use as a crutch.

i didnt think it would be this long.

i dont feel right. when i dont write. maybe thats why. maybe i never will again. i guess if thats whats needed. i am. i am ok with that.

"this is the last song that i write
'til you tell me otherwise
and it's because i just don't feel it anymore" -